When Solitude Masquerades as Healing...

I had an epiphany the other day, one that might sound painfully obvious, but it came to me in the midst of tears.

Many of us have learned hard lessons from past experiences, both good and bad, and we believe deep in our hearts that we’ve grown. That we’ve arrived at a place of peace. And perhaps we think this because, as women 35+, we’ve become so comfortable in our own space, so far removed from drama and nonsense, that we’ve quietly misunderstood what growth really is.

You’ve risen above the subtle dictatorship of difficult colleagues. You’ve put boundaries in place. You’re no longer easily annoyed or triggered. But have you really grown? Or have you simply created distance? Growth can only truly be confirmed when you’re back in the physical space, when you can’t just turn off your camera, walk away, and make a cup of tea with your favourite soothing playlist playing in the background to keep you sane.

You no longer seek validation. You speak life into the younger generation, reminding them that the only validation they need comes from God and from within. Yet when you put your best foot forward and are dismissed or overlooked, it pushes you to tears and leaves you questioning truths you know to be real.

The true test of emotional maturity cannot be achieved by sitting alone in a room, especially when what needs to mature was formed in relationship with others in the first place.

We enter relationships after years of being single, convinced we’re ready because of how far we’ve come in solitude. Then someone does something that mirrors a wound we thought we had overcome, and we write them off, believing that was our maturity on display. And maybe it was. But maybe it was also fear. Maybe it was unresolved trauma that had simply been resting, not healed.

It’s easier to stay away from people. We can’t control them, and that means they can disrupt us in ways we’re not prepared for. But if we never allow ourselves to be disrupted, how will we ever know what has truly grown and what still needs nurturing?

Perhaps it’s time we start testing the growth, so we can truly move forward.