Almost 40, single… and actually okay.

I know some people will disagree or try to tell me I’m not really okay, but I truly am. Not because I don’t want to find MY person, THE man I’m meant to do life with, but because I do.

After spending 18 years in relationships with no real, healthy breaks in between, I’ve finally reached a place where my standards are exactly where they should be. Not too high. Not unrealistic. JUST EXACTLY WHERE THEY SHOULD BE. I’ve lived through the consequences of settling, ignoring, and coasting. And for the last 577 days, I’ve been experiencing this beautiful gift: peace.

Peace in my mind. Peace in my body. Peace in my soul.

And no, that peace isn’t solely because I removed the men who once occupied my life but let’s not pretend it didn’t play a major role. Choosing discipline daily, dying to my flesh, and seeking God in all things is the true foundation of where I am. But walking away from confusion? That unlocked a different kind of freedom.

I’ve been able to focus on my own emotions instead of trying to decode someone else’s, especially when they didn’t understand it for themselves.

The constant worry? Gone. 

Financially, I’ve regained what I once poured into birthdays, holidays, and “just because” gestures. (It’s a win) 

No more forced travel just to lie in a bed that isn’t mine. 

My sleep? Restored. 

PH Levels? Balanced. 

Anxiety? Lifted. 

No more forced smiles for unfamiliar faces. 

No more cooking separate meals at odd hours to accommodate another adult. My space stays exactly how I leave it; clean, calm, and mine.

Those are just a few things I don’t miss and they all contribute to why I’m okay.

But the biggest reminder? Watching people around me in relationships and quietly being grateful that I’m not in their situation. Being in something just to say you are whether dating or married will never be my story. Enduring lies, uncertainty, betrayal, or disrespect just to say “my man” or to save face because of a child? That, to me, is a version of hell I have no intention of visiting, let alone living in.

And if I’m honest, men, especially those 35+ don’t always reflect the examples many of us grew up seeing. Somewhere along the way, values shifted. Instead of rising into the kind of men we admired or expected, many have settled into something else entirely, often shaped by absence, ego, or confusion and now wait on pedestals they placed themselves on, expecting women to meet them there.

People might ask, “If you’re okay, why talk about it?” My response: Why not?

At 39, being single and genuinely okay is still seen as something unusual, something to question, analyse, or even pity. Escaping that narrative isn’t easy, so instead, I choose to acknowledge it and speak on it honestly.

Because the truth is, I do want love.

I want someone to come home to who lightens the load after a long day. Someone to laugh with, eat well with, travel with, build a family with and most importantly, pray with. Being equally yoked isn’t optional for me. The foundation has to be Christ. And unfortunately, even within the church, that standard isn’t always being met.

So yes, I’m almost 40, single, and okay.

Because if it isn’t it, I don’t want it!